I’ve always heard these really cool stories about people who go extreme dumpster diving. I’ll admit that it sounds pretty cool, but most people who know me would know that I wouldn’t willingly trudge through trash to find hidden gems.
But, I have an “almost” dumpster diving story. In fact, it’s probably the cleanest dumpster diving story you will ever lay eyes on.
During my freshman year in college I was super excited because I had found my iPod nano stashed away in a drawer somewhere. I plugged it into my computer and updated the music on it. I was all, YAY! Now I can be cool and listen to music when I walk to class! I won’t have to make awkward conversation with people, only awkward eye contact!
I was probably way more excited than I should have been to find my old iPod. It was one of the newish nano models, purchased with all the money I made from tips from an old waitressing job during my sophomore year of high school. Anyways. One day, I was walking from class to meet Justin for lunch and I was jamming out to my newly found iPod. I was probably listening to, like, Legally Blond: The Musical or something. You’ll see later that this choice in music does not in any way help my case.
I arrived in the Atrium, the dining hall in the journalism building and got in line for food. I took my headphones out of my ears and unplugged them from my iPod, lightly throwing them both on my tray while I ordered three pork tacos with cheese, beans, rice, lettuce and tomato and a side of rice from the Mexican station.
I see Justin as I pile napkins and a spoon onto my tray. We get our food and sit down, catching each other up on our days. You know, like normal people do when they meet up for lunch. After we eat, we decide that it’s time to head back and start working on our English papers that were literally the most ridiculous things ever (I got a B. I was so mad). I gather all my stuff and follow Justin to the trash cans and we make our way back to his dorm where we start booting up our computers and music and get out our stupid research for our papers.
Then, I start freaking out. I couldn’t find my iPod anywhere. I had headphones, but no iPod. Like, how was that possible?? Justin didn’t have it, and it wasn’t in any of my pockets or my backpack.
WHERE COULD IT BE? I was very frustrated.
Then it dawned on me.
I threw my iPod on my lunch tray before I threw the napkins on. The iPod nanos are extremely thin. You can see where this is going. My iPod was under my stack of napkins.
I threw out my iPod. Yes. I. Threw. Out. My. iPod.
I called my mom and started freaking out. She didn’t yell at me though, but she did sternly tell me to get my butt up and walk over to the Atrium to dig through the garbage while trying not to laugh her butt off. What kind of kid throws out their iPod? Like, really?
So I did. I made my way to the Atrium to go dig through the garbage.
Only when I got there, they had already taken the trash out to the dumpster. I called my mom again and told her this. She was almost adamant on me going dumpster diving.
But mom WHYYYYY??? I said to her.
I talked to the janitors and they had already dumped a few loads of trash in the dumpster since my iPod’s untimely fate.
I love music, but I was willing to risk the battery life of my phone to play music at the expense of my ditziness.
I did not go dumpster diving, nor do I ever have the desire to do so in the future.
My mom still laughs at this whenever we bring it up. The thought of me actually being ditzy enough to throw out my iPod greatly masked her frustration of me throwing out my iPod.
That day my dad sent me a single text that I will never, ever forget:
Dad: What’s your address again? I need to send you some blonde hair dye.